things they forgot to tell us when we agreed to move

Don't tell JFA, but they just found a new strain of bird flu in China.
Don't tell my parents, but North Charleston (that would be proximate to Charleston) is #13 on the Most Dangerous Cities in the U.S. list issued today.

So this afternoon I'm driving around the Peninsula, looking for various properties I've previously seen on the Web. My list has about 15 addresses left on it. The first 15 were crossed off as "appears too close to crack house," "neighbor looks creepy," "dumpy" and "not in a million years." I cross over to the east side and things are not looking much better. I turn the corner and come upon two patrolmen.

I roll down the window. "Hey, can I ask you a question? I'm just about to move here and I would like you to tell me where I absolutely should NOT live." I hand the officer a map and he draws a box around the northeast corner of the city. "Don't live inside these boundaries," he says, and points to the center of the box. "This is where you are right now."

My list is now down to four.